Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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