Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
