im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
