I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Randomize
