my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
