There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
