hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
