need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
