question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize