If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
