Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
