Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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