Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
