Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
