mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
