The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
