Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
