I just pynch a tree in the face
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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