Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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