So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
