you guys were way drunker than both of me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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