so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
