Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
