i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
