Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just high enough for therapy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
