I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
