the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were destined to go to rehab together
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
