Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize