can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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