Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
