i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
