You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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