Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
