at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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