OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
