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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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