Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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