I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
