News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
