I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
