i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
