you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
