my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
