dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
