I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize