so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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