Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The uberlube is also flammable
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
