I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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