I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can text with my tongue
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
