I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
