you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
