At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
