I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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