Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
