i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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