speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
