Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
