But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
