Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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