I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
