I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my liver is dry heaving
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
