I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
