She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
