can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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