I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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