They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
