he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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