I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
