Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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