I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
