You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
