my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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