The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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