In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
