It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
