I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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